Marine Gets BANNED From WalMart! He Should Receive a Medal Though!
Dear General Neller:
Over the past six months, Private Green has been causing quite a commotion in our Jacksonville store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and, as a result, will ban all Marines from shopping in any of our stores, if even one more incident occurs. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are currently attending counseling from the trouble Private Green has caused. All complaints against Pvt. Green have been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally Brown
MEMO Re: Pvt. Green — Complaints —
Things Private Green has done while his wife was shopping:
1. November 17, 2015: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. November 27, 2015: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. December 15, 2015: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. December 21, 2015: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares!” and watched what happened.
5. January 12, 2016: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-away.
6. January 26, 2016: Moved a ‘CAUTION -WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. February 13, 2016: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. March 8, 2016: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he threw himself down on the floor, began to cry and wailed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
9. March 19, 2016: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. April 4, 2016: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. April 20, 2016: Darted around the store, looking around suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.
12. April 28, 2016: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using different size funnels.
13. May 7, 2016: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. July 19, 2016: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, “NO! NO! Sheila! It’s those voices again!!!!”
And last, but not least, just today….
15. September 28, 2016: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled very loudly, “Hey, Somebody! I need some toilet paper in here!”
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